Faced with my own mortality...

I checked my bloods last week at work.  It's just something we do from time to time, mainly to check our cholesterol.  This time I was checking my kidney function.

You see, about six years ago I was warned by a reflexologist to watch out for my kidneys.  A reflexologist, you may tsk, but with having given her no real history at all about me she knew instantly on reaching the area corresponding to my eyes that I had contact lenses is.  At the time, and still to this day I'm pretty impressed by that.

I've been getting flank pain intermittently now for a few months.  At first I thought it was musco-skeletal, now I'm not so sure.

My eGFR came back at 68.  6 years ago it was >90, 2 years ago 80.  Below 60 is considered first stage chronic kidney disease. I'm 32.

Other than what is hopefully a minor blip in my foreseen long and happy life, I'm the most active I've ever been in my life.  I notch up probably about 4-7 hours of exercise a week.  And that is fun exercise, not the rat race running on a treadmill, lifting weights, sweating under strip lights and watching myself staring back at myself in gym mirrors with constant music blaring out at me and bland tv programmes with their streams of subtitles running along the bottom.

Exercise that I enjoy, that lifts my spirits, gets me into the great outdoors in all weather conditions and introduces me to new people, experiences and challenges every time I participate.  Cycling.  Who'd have thought it? I certainly wouldn't of two years ago.

I took up mountain biking then, and have loved it ever since.  And I'm now even enjoying road cycling, again to my amazement.  If my past self could see me now she'd be shaking her head in wonder.

So why now? Why the kidney function issues now?

Well two years ago I swapped and unhealthy addiction with cannabis to an unhealthy addiction to alcohol.

What had been a life long dedication to the natural green herb became a far more socially acceptable vice, one that made me feel chatty and brave, was cheaper and tasted nicer, and most of all gave me the lung capacity I needed to keep on mtbiking.

And now, unsurprisingly, I find after pretty much two years of drinking one bottle of wine a night, sometimes more, sometimes less, my body is rebelling against me.

I am left with the concept of being 'straight' most nights.  Of filling my time dealing with the everyday stresses and strains of life with a clear head and no way of escaping.  Of having to 'deal with things'.  Scary shit.

So in two weeks I get my bloods checked with my GP. Then due to annual leave on the GP's part, I get to wait another week to talk to one of them about it.  Joy.  The NHS. It never rushes.

In the mean time, well I'm going to try to make this my avenue. My 'someone to talk to' , because at the moment it feels like I've got no-one else.